Halloween

Rylan was excited to get to school for some Halloween fun. Kevin painted his face before taking him (late). Kevin took his costume to work to show it off to his 3 co workers.
I spent the morning doing some clean up and on the phone. The home health care nurse was coming to put Lana's feeding tube in and show me how the machine works. She came around 11:30. Even though Lana fought it and I was teary eyed having to strap her down, the nurse was able to get the tube in on the first try. Whew! I fed Lana her bottle while the nurse was measuring, and doing the prep work and also as the nurse starting inserting the tube. I think it helped that she was swallowing. Of course she stopped drinking to fight and cry and wouldn't finish her bottle after (she never eats after stopping even if she has half her bottle left.) But I'm glad it helped get the tube it because I didn't know if I could handle repeated attempts. Lana was clearly bugged by it, grabbing at it and rubbing her nose. She sneezed a few times. Luckily it was close to nap time and all that crying wore her out. I wrapped her up and cuddled her and she fell asleep about 20 minutes later while the nurse went over the machine and other info.
While all that was going on Asher was picked up by his carpool for kindergarten. We got him all dressed up in his police costume with shoes on and back pack ready before the nurse came over. He hates to hear/see Lana cry so he was outside riding his scooter for a bit during the tearful tube insertion. He loves her so much and gets sad when she's so sad. He's a sweet boy.
I had it written down on my calendar that the boys Halloween parade at school was at 2:15. I got Tyce in the car and woke up Lana at 2:00 and we went straight to the school. Well, we had to park on my mom's street. We should have just walked! As we neared the school I saw the first class of the parade walk out. Oh no! The parade had actually started at 2:00. Luckily we were able to see Asher about halfway through (waving, smiling and saying "Hi mom! Hi Tyce! Hi Lana!") and then Rylan, the last class in the parade. He had his hood over his face so I didn't know if he saw us. I called out to him, he waved and then ran on by!
I stopped and talked to some neighbor girls who asked about Lana's tube and how she's doing. Then I saw Sarah and talked to her about my traumatic 24 hours with Lana. We walked to the office and checked our boys out of school and then said goodbye.
Rylan ended up going home with Evan. Asher pushed Tyce in the stroller and I carried Lana to our faraway parked car.
Once home I fed Lana and then remembered we ended to go to the pharmacy to get some prescriptions for Lana. Ry was supposed to by home at 4:00 so we quickly hopped in the car. I should always know a quick trip to the pharmacy is going to take much longer than expected. They had a question about one prescription before they filled it and one other prescription was filled with pills rather than liquid. After calling Dr Book's office to clear up the confusion and paying for the one prescription that was ready, it was already after 4:00. We got home about 4:15 to find the garage door open but Rylan and his scooter gone. I texted Dain and Josh's mom but neither responded so we drove the neighborhood and to my mom's for 20 minutes. I should have gone straight to Evan's house. That's where we found him. I was never worried but I was annoyed. He's been home alone before and I don't know why he immediately left this time. Oh well. Glad he was safe :)
I had the boys clean up before we got ready for trick or treating! I made them some chicken nuggets with carrots and apple slices for dinner, I had a chicken and apple sausage with some sweet potatoes. Kevin got home but was too excited to eat the sausage I cooked up for him. He did have some apple slices with peanut butter though :)

September Quotes

Tyce:
September  22, 2014
While leaving my mom's house and getting in the car Tyce said "I have a roly poly but I won't show you" and he lifted up a closed fist. I told him we don't take roly polys in the car so please leave it outside. "Nope, I'm not showing you!" He's usually obedient so with his silly grin I thought he was just pretending. So we drove away. A few times on the short ride home he would say things like "I'm never showing you mom" or "I'm not letting you see my roly polys. Nope, never" Once we got home I noticed his hand was still in a fist. I got him out of the car and he said "Okay mom, I'll show you my roly polys for ten dollars"!! What?!! Hahaha I about died! And he really did have a roly poly in his hand :)

September 26, 2014
I gave him a plastic fork at lunch and he said "no, I want the cold one." I didn't know what he was talking about so he said he'd show me. He pulled out a silverware fork and said "See, it's cold"!

I Love Sundays

Oh how I love Sundays! Maybe it's because there aren't friends knocking on our door and no monitoring of electronics. Or maybe it's because my boys play so well together and they are so darn cute. Today was a day full of cuteness.
During testimony meeting Asher turned to me and said "I have a testimony."
Me: "You do?"
Asher: "Yes, can I go up there?"
Me, hesitating: "Yes...." after which Asher proceeded to get out of his seat and walk away with his arms folded.
Me: "Asher, wait! We should practice at home. What are you going to say?"
Asher, after asking me to remind him how people start out their testimonies: "I'd like to bear my testimony, I know this church is true. I know Jesus made it (the church) so we can learn about Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
I told him he could go up there and I watched Kevin to see his reaction. Asher waited on the stand for a few people to go and when it was his turn I could see Kevin's surprise! Hearing Asher up there, sharing his testimony, made my heart swell. We've never practiced at home so I was taken by surprise when he told me he wanted to go up there. I hope he keeps that desire to share his testimony.
He kept his arms folded as he walked back to our seats and he had the biggest grin on his face for the next 5 minutes. At the end of the meeting he said "Mom, I have another testimony. Can I go up again next time?" Haha, what a sweet hearted boy.

Tyce used to love going to nursery...until the beginning of the year when Molly left for Sunbeams. Many weeks Kevin or I would stay in nursery for awhile waiting for Tyce to be comfortable enough for us to leave. Or Tyce would come to class with us. It wasn't until just recently that Tyce started going on his own after some coaxing at the door. Today his nursery leader, Sister Jensen stopped me in the hall and said that when Tyce got into nursery she said "Tyce! We're so happy you're here today!" to which Tyce replied "I'm happy, too". Oh my goodness, that boy. He makes me happy!!

June Quotes

Tyce
June 25, 2014
I was upstairs and Tyce came walking up the stairs carrying his blanket and said "Mom, I just love you'
Me: "What?"
Tyce: "I love you"
I couldn't resist cuddling with that little boy and I didn't want to let him go

Later that day...
Tyce: "I cute"
Oh my goodness is he ever!

Rylan
to Asher while palying super mario bros: "You are so disappointing on so many levels" Not nice at all but it's from the lego movie so I thought it was a little funny

Asher
June 26, 2014
Me: "Asher, get in the car"
Asher: "Yes Lord Business" (from the lego movie...not quite sure how I feel about him calling me that though!)

June Quotes

06/09/14

Rylan was telling me how if he had super magic powers he would hypnotize Tami and she'd let him have a sleepover with Kaleb and Kade. Then he'd hypnotize her again to let him just live there at their house.

Me: "So you'd rather live at Kaleb and Kade's house than our house?"
Ry: "Yeah, it's fun there."
Me: "Wouldn't you miss mom?"
Ry: "Yeah, but I'd come visit."
Me: "So do you love Kaleb and Kade more than you love me?"
Ry: "No, I love you lots more. I love you more than anything in the whole entire world. Well, except Lana."

I get overwhelmed a lot being a mom but I also have lots of moments throughout the day that make me smile. I was getting in the shower yesterday and saw these dinosaurs and animals in the shower. I thought about how in even 10 years I probably won't be greeted by animals and toys in my shower because my kids won't be playing with animals in the shower :(
Shortly after my shower I was listening to Rylan and Asher playing in my room. They like to play "Toads and Dinos" together (with Asher's green dinosaur and Rylan's blue squirrel toad). It's funny to listen to kids play. Their creativity and thought process is so funny! They are on the same wave length when they play. When I try to play with them I'm often told "No, that's not how it goes" or "You can't say/do that". I'll just let them play those make believe games together!

I've been so full of emotion lately. I sit holding my sleeping Lana and as I watch her and think about my boys, I can't do anything but cry. I just love them all so much and I hope I look back on these days and remember how much I love having little kids and babies. I hope I remember the funny things they say, when they hold my hand and sit on my lap, when they wake up in the morning and come downstairs for a good morning hug or cuddle. All those times I hear them playing together and laughing, jumping on the tramp with daddy or digging in the sandbox together as I watch them from the kitchen window. I hope I remember this love that fills my heart and fills our home. All the times I've ignored the laundry, dinner, mopping, to get in as much time as I can holding my baby and enjoying those eyes staring back at

Starting Solids

I got the go-ahead from Dr Book to give Lana some rice cereal. Actually, I got the go-ahead a couple weeks ago but I just kept forgetting to mix some up for my little babe! But I finally did it and Lana liked it! She ate a couple bites and then was done, but those little tastes she had, she enjoyed.
I know it's just her eating rice cereal but I think she's so darn cute I had to post lots of pictures :)

Dr. Book has been holding her off because she wants Lana to gain weight. She wants her to keep eating the high calorie milk and not the low calorie rice cereal or fruits/veggies. Dr Book suggested mashed potatoes with lots and lots of butter but I just can't do that. So I'll stick with the breastmilk/formula and try a few solids here and there. Lana's ready though. She watches me eat and seems interested.

She was cute with the rice cereal and her little tongue. It's funny to watch her figure out how to eat. I've read some on 'baby led weaning'--letting the baby eat normal food, not pureed baby food. I think I'll try it with Lana in the near future and see how she does.

That orange stuff on her face is her vitamins, not food :)

Good Night Kisses

This little girl is the luckiest little thing. She gets so many good night kisses and hugs from her brothers every single night. It's incredible sweet.

Lana at 4 months

This little girl is full of smiles and laughter and love which fills my heart with so much joy I'm often brought to tears. I adore her.
She's started putting her hands in her mouth, often taking out her pacifier to suck on her hands instead. She's not big on tummy time but I have seen her wobble from side to side just a bit in the last couple weeks. She'll hold her head up high and be content for at least a few minutes as long as someone is lying next to her, talking to her. She still wakes up during the night to eat but that's okay with me. Her first stretch of the night is usually about five hours then it's a couple three hour stretches after that (almost three hours on the dot usually!) I'm usually surprised to wake up and look at the clock to see that it's indeed been three hours. Most of the time I feel like I just barely crawled back in to bed and closed my eyes! I'm glad she goes right back to sleep after eating. She is dearly loved by her brothers. Asher and Tyce sometimes call her "lani" (lahnee) which I didn't like at first but now I think it's cute :) Asher probably gives her the most love, wanting to hold her, read to her, push her in her swing, talk to her...he's such a caring brother. Most days I don't want to put her down and dread laundry, dinner and cleaning even more knowing I'll have to put her down to get it done!!!
Lana's last appointment with Dr. Book was nearly 2 weeks ago. Her next appointment is tomorrow. Last time was more talk of getting Lana on the transplant list. Dr. Book said she's giving us time to mourn the Kasai not working and once we're ready to move on then they will start the work up to get Lana on the list. But she warned me if we're not getting ready soon enough then she will push us along and wake us up to get us going! She said we don't even have a year to get used to it, not even six months she guesses. It will be good to get Lana on the list as soon as we can though, because with her good health we can be picky about the livers available. The sicker she gets and the more desperate she gets for a new liver, the more likely we have to choose one that's not the perfect perfect match. As Dr. Book was telling me all of this I got the thought, the feeling that that is exactly why the Kasai did not work. Because the liver that Lana gets is going to be the best liver for her, and had she waited two, four, eight years, the liver wouldn't have been the exact one she needs. I don't know, of course, that's just the feeling that came to me.
Lana isn't gaining weight quickly enough so they gave me some formula, Progestimil, that has MCT oil in it to help her gain weight. I have to give this to her for half of her daily feedings, mixed in with breast milk. I have to pump and then add in the formula and give her a bottle. She's my first baby I've fed with a bottle! She doesn't like it but is getting better. I keep saying I'm going to buy a few different types of bottle and see if she prefers one over the others. Maybe that will help?
About two weeks ago I got a call from my friend and neighbor, Heidi. Her sister (who happens to live next door to my brother and coincidentally named her little boy Tyce after Heidi suggested the name to her :) Heather Telford is a photographer and was looking for a baby girl to model some hairbows. I was so pleased that Heidi thought of my little Lana! A couple hours later we went to Heather's house for a quick photo shoot. Lana was the perfect baby, full of smiles and just adorable! Amy brought me a cd of the photos a few days later and they were very very cute. Again, I'm so happy Heidi called!
Lana really is the perfect little 4 month old!

Sometimes it's hard being a parent

We had a pretty good day today. The morning went smoothly getting Ry off to school. I held Lana too long before getting in the shower and getting us all ready to go to lunch at Zupas in AF with my sistas! I wanted to get there a bit early so I could feed Lana. Instead we got there right on time but then we were late because we stayed in the car to feed Lana. Lunch was great and it was fun seeing Kacy and kids back in Utah. I miss her when they are in Australia. I sure do hope my family will all live in close proximity our entire lives! Amy wasn't able to come to lunch...

Asher and I had to have a talk yesterday about being honest. After Jack left Asher was supposed to clean up. He told me his room was clean. I told him to double check and make sure it was all picked up before I checked it. He came back downstairs and told me it was clean. A bit later I went to check and was disappointed to see it was a mess! I got Asher into his room and we had a talk after which he cleaned his room. Well, today Asher asked for ice cream. I agreed, but after dinner. We had tacos so it wasn't a terrible dinner, but Asher said he wasn't hungry. (At least he ate his carrots) I asked him if he was going to be hungry for ice cream and he said no. I told him several times Ry and Tyce would be eating ice cream and he would not get any. "I don't care. I don't want ice cream" he told me. Okay. Well, when it came time for ice cream he started crying and asked if he could have another chance to eat his taco then have ice cream. I reluctantly agreed. Halfway through he asked if he could be done. No, I told him to eat all of his taco. I went upstairs to get something and he called up asking if he could throw his plate away. I asked him to keep it on the table so I could see how much he ate. I went downstairs to see it completely empty and he said "I ate my taco, can I have ice cream now?" I saw taco meat on the floor by the trash can and sure enough, there sat the rest of his taco in the garbage. I dished up ice cream for Ry and Tyce and pulled Asher into the other room. I reminded him of our talk yesterday about telling the truth and I told him I couldn't give him any ice cream because he lied to me and did not eat his taco. "But sometimes I just forget to tell you" We went over honesty again and the importance of it, I told him how sad it makes me when he lies and I asked him how he felt at that moment. "Sad" (maybe because he knew he wasn't getting any ice cream!) I said I was sorry and sad for him that he wouldn't be able to eat ice cream with us but I know he can make better choices and tell me the truth. He hung his head low, said "ok" and quietly walked upstairs to his room. I sat down with Tyce and Ry and did not enjoy my ice cream very much. It's hard being a parent and enforcing rules and trying to find the right way to teach these important life principles.

I dropped off asher and Tyce at Deborah's house in Lehi on my way up to primary children's for Lana's appt with dr book. We stopped at the la first and then went to dr books office. We were late ad got I right away. After Lana s weighed ad measured dr book came in and asked me how I thought laa was doing. I told her Lana still looks rather jaundiced to me and I sometimes worry when her poo is white or pale. She listened to her and checked her out then looked up her lab results. I don't even remember what she said exactly but she shared her concern that the procedure didn't work. Lanas jaundice levels are at a 6. on dec 5 they wwre a 5, on surgery day, dec 11 they were at 7. And lana has only gained ons pound (dr book said she should hace gained two to three pounds). dr book kept emphasizing that we aren't ruling out a successful surgery quite yet but it doesn't look good so far. I couldn't help but let the tears fall. She let me cry for a bit as she briefly talked about liver transplants and possible reasons why the kasai may not have worked on Lana (too much scarring on her liver and a shriveled up gallbladder), I continued to cry as she left the room. In came Barbie, the child services lady who talks with dr books patients, especially the transplant/future transplant patients. She said several times that her prescience did not necessarily mean we're headed for a transplant any time soon, that she was going to come meet us anyway, but dr book stopped her and asked her to come talk to me.

Anyway, there were more comforting words shared from Barbie, dr book, and other team members. I'm not too sure what to expect. We have an appt again in two weeks. Dr book said Lana will just get sicker as time goes by before she will be put on the transplant list...fevers, not eating, weak, stomach looking swollen...

Also today...we got home from the cabin yesterday, Kevin unloaded the car and then took everything upstairs. I had a separate plastic sack tha Thad my makeup bag, some Capri suns and asher power rangers game. I couldn't find it and Kevin didn't re,ember seeing it'd. I called my mom who called my dad and they didn't have it. My wedding ring was in my makeup bag so I cried with worry. I decided to g t park city to look in the dumpsters by the cabin. I drove an hour to get there and did t see it I. The dumpsters. I asked a guy who stopped to get his ,ail and he said the garbage man came earlier today. I didn't have a feeling of despair so I was sure the bag was somewhere else. I talked to Kevin on my way home and said may e the boys out it so where, wanting to lay the powere rangers game. He called me back a couple ,inures later-- he found it!! He remembered he had out away the games and there it was in the closr wither the other game bags! Yay!!